Thursday, January 1, 2015

Introducing the 2015 Word of the Year...

Each year for the last few years, I have chosen a word of the year. The word gives me focus and serves as a more general reminder of specific goals I set for myself. I have been thinking about my word for 2015 for a couple of months now. I have considered several words: "work", "happy", "adventure", "better", "change", etc. among others, but ultimately I decided on "fearless". I feel like fear has held me back in so many areas of my life. Even as I was rereading this post, contemplating whether to hit publish and share my word (and my fear) with the world, I hesitated. Do I really want to commit to being fearless this entire year? Is fearless a good enough word? Will people think I chose this word because I'm a Taylor Swift fan? (For the record, I'm not. I don't dislike her, but I really am not all that familiar with her stuff. I didn't even know she had an album titled "Fearless" until I was looking for fearless quotes on Pinterest. But I digress). I am not a risk taker. I don't like change all that much. I have a serious aversion to any kind of confrontation. I have been perfectly happy in my comfort zone. Until recently. Some things have happened that have helped me recognize a need for me to step outside that comfortable bubble, both for my own well-being and for the welfare of my family. I think I need "fearless" as my word to help me with what is before me this coming year.
There are things I need to do--changes I need to make in my life in order to be the best version of myself. I feel that I do have a mission in life, but I am still struggling to understand exactly what that mission is. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have no doubt that being a wife and mother is my greatest calling, but I also think there is more that I am supposed to accomplish. I recognize the vital importance of keeping my four boys fed and clothed; I am not discounting these mundanities. It is almost a full time job just to keep up with the laundry around here. Still, in a short while I will have a son heading off to college and a mission and his brothers will be following more quickly behind him than I care to admit.
I have so much fear: fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear that I am not good enough, fear of showing too much of myself to the world, fear of reaching out to others, fear of rejection. It is exhausting. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Fear has kept me from being my total authentic, honest self. And I don't know why. 
I am a woman of faith. Or at least I try to be. I love the scripture that says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timonthy 1:7) God doesn't want me to be fearful. He wants me to be faithful! He wants me to rely on Him. And he wants me to succeed. The scriptures actually have quite a bit to say concerning the subject of fear (or more specifically, of not fearing). I'm looking forward to studying more of their wisdom on the subject this year.
I'm an introvert. I'm not apologizing--just explaining. I think sometimes my discomfort in reaching outside of myself translates into fear. I had a friend tell me once that her initial impression of me was that I am very serious. Ha! Those who know me the best know that I can be serious but that is not who I am all the time.  It might take a little more time to get to know me, but it is worth it. If you don't already know, I am pretty amazing. Oh, I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a lot to offer. I am a good and loyal friend. I am a nurturer. I am creative and talented. I am dependable. I am funny. I am a good listener. I try to do the right thing. I love Jesus. And starting now, I. Am. Fearless. (or at least I'm working on becoming so).

More FEARLESS inspiration HERE.


Heather Oxborrow said...

I love this, you are amazing. Love you!

Addie said...

You are fearless. You are, Jill. Even the season of life I knew you best in...when we were younger and pre-kids and seemed fearless to me. And witty. Funny. So creative. Talented. Yes, you seemed (to me) way more outgoing than I was. What we were, I think we truly are still at heart. this is going to be a great year for you. I hope you will continue to share with us. I so like sharing in your journey. You inspire. :)

Tanya said...

I love this post Jill! I love your closing paragraph! I thought your stamping and your photography and your stories and YOU ARE amazing! :)

Jill Dunn said...

I am just now seeing your comments and they have lifted my spirit so much! Thank you, thank you, my friends. I love each of you.